****Beginning is semi-rant/stress/emotional word vomit that just needed to be put down*****
I don’t know if it was because I just couldn’t focus on the lecture in Design 312 today, but I worked myself up into such a swirling aura of stress that I had to leave during break. Normally I can calm myself down, but I have become so stressed over finding a job these past few weeks it just kind of hit and off I went running into the sunset dropping off applications and resumes left and right. I’ve probably put in 10 applications the past 2 days.
My problem is I haven’t known life without a job since I graduated high school. I had a summer job as a camp counselor, followed by a brief stint at Toys R Us before I got hired at Hastings a week later. I was there for a year…I think it was almost exactly a year…I think it even may have been exactly a year, my last day was the same date I had been hired. I spent three months without a job when I moved, but when I went home for break I worked at Hastings for the Holidays until I had to go back. Then I was immediately hired by Blockbuster and was there for a year and half. Then I went on to a better job, that ended up kind of leaving me on the curb last month. I need work, I need a job, it’s driving me crazy. And this is why I have a giant stomach ache and haven’t been able to stomach much this evening.
I just had to get that out there.
So. I know Heidi Montag is the story of the moment in Reality TV world & I guess I’ll throw my 2 cents in with the rest of the world. I did watch the Hills until about 2 episodes into the last season and was done with it. To see this girl, about my age, plastered on the front of People, with a blank & altered face, and the headline, Addicted to Plastic Surgery, made me cringe. I am happy she is pleased with the results, but the reason behind it? Partly due to what people said about her on the internet…well most the people on here so far have said she didn’t need to change…is she going to go back and try and get fixed up again? I understand her insecurities, I was teased constantly growing up. I wasn’t exactly the most aware when it came to stuff like makeup and doing your hair. I remember being mortified when I went to a friend’s house when I was in grade school and we went to go swimming and I had to wear one of her swimsuits. I was so self conscious because it was a bikini and I’d always had those boy short swimsuits. It just freaked me out. But I definitely have taken a few giant steps since then and high school. End of junior year, and senior year it kind of started to fall into place.
I’m not against plastic surgery, it depends on the procedure. Breast augmentation, if you want em bigger well then make em bigger. But for a 23 year old to have as much plastic surgery as she had done, and what she had done…is totally horrifying to me. And that she was also driven by the fact she thought this would help her music career breaks my heart. Chances are girls who do listen to her music, won’t be my age, they will be pre-teens and teens. What message does she think she will be sending to those young fans. Not a good one.
But if it makes her happy, it makes her happy, but I still think she looks like completely void of emotion…botox injections, really? She was beautiful before, she is just a plastic now.
perfect? no such thing.
There is no such thing as perfect either. When it comes to looks and people liking you, my boyfriend told me, when I was upset over how I looked one day, “All that matters is what I think,” he said, probably about ______% of people don’t like you just because of the way you look, and not everyone is going to find you attractive, you are not perfect. Not everyone will be attracted to your traits.
And I think I may have grown a little in self confidence since that day. I’m finding myself more happy with the way I look, and I know I have a good little figure. And I am, I’m little. My friends rag on me all the time. I’m not a stick though, and I’m healthy. I have a little pudge on the side, and I’m proud of it. Who wants to be model thin anyway? I like my food.
Speaking of food, I hate buying stuff on campus anymore. I feel like I’m being robbed every time I go in there which is why I’ve been avoiding it unless I absolutely didn’t bring anything filling enough to eat. I’ve been slacking on my healthy diet…had McDonald’s yesterday, made it about halfway through the cheeseburger then couldn’t eat anymore. Gross.
I was snacking on toasted sourdough bread the other day. Just barely toasted so its not hard & crispy but soft & crispy and then smothered it in butter. I had like 5 pieces. It’s too good. Apparently I made a bunch of people on Facebook want some too. Haha.
I have been loving my make up the past few days. Sunday was a relaxed day, had partied the night before so I was going more casual. Just headed over to the boyfriend’s to chill for the day. I love dressing up for school. I don’t go over the top, but I like to look nice. I rarely go in sweat pants and if I do, its probably 10 PM and I’m on my way to the new media lab to work on stuff. Or I’m sick and can’t afford missing another class, so I have to go to class but just don’t have the energy.
My boots that Ry got me are freaking amazing. I love them to death. I need to wear them to class more, or heels at least, its quite a workout to walk to class in heels from my place.
Sunday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Loved my make up today. Sunday was my relaxed day. Tuesday, walked to class in those boots, I freaking love them.
Classes this quarter are coming along. I really do not enjoy actionscript 3.0, but the fact that I have comprehension of what I’m writing out is an achievement in itself for me. It’s interesting working in Flash, like the exercise we just did. Add a Button to Section 1 that then makes something play So the giant purple button is the one I added. Having to go into the timeline in flash and keep going into sub timelines makes you sit there and think. It’s real problem solving for me, like I have to sit there and think it out, I need to click A to get into Timeline B, where I have to click B, to get into Timeline C, where this movieclip goes and this is where I tween it.
It gets confusing but I kind of enjoy that problem solving. I am not looking forward to diving into making our travel app functional. I am having such a creative block, I couldn’t even refine my initial comps. I feel like I had a good idea and now my vision is lost somewhere. It sucks. I know it can be great, just gotta find that inspiration.
So instead of revising comps, I ended up playing around in Illustrator. I like using text when I design. I think its the hours upon hours I spent making icons for livejournal when I was in high school. But anyway, I ended up playing around and made this, which initially was just pink and then I ended up adding purple and that’s where the text came from…Chesire. Chesire cat colors, and it was all abstract and I’ve been anticipating Alice in Wonderland, so it became Chesire Acid.
It’s nothing amazing, but I like my concept. That would be fun to play around with some more…Chesire Acid.
I also really want the Urban Decay Alice in Wonderland palette…so that may have been my subconscious poking out.
The music video for digital video is coming along swimmingly…it just sucks with using videos from 40+ years ago. But they’re copyright free and it really forces you to zero in on a given idea and mold it into something else. The song I’m using is actually matching up really well with the video now, and its kind of weird how I go back to pick a clip out of original video and then hear the actual sound instead of my music. It’s neat.
Madonna Timeline & Stats
Random Design Project of the Day. Enjoy. And good night. I’ve been writing for a long time, its bed time.